Character: Jeff "Joker" Moreau

Liara: Joker, really? I have work to do.

Joker: Aw, come on it’s just one simple question.

Liara: Then look it up on the extranet.

Joker: You can’t believe everything you find there, it’s more reliable to ask a friendly asari.

Liara: I’m not telling you if my “hair tentacles” move!

Joker: Fine. Deny me the answer I’ve been seeking for years. With this war on, we could die at any second, you know.

Shepard: You know he’s going to keep bothering you till you tell him.

Liara: [sigh] They’re semi flexible cartilage-based scalp crests that grow into shape. And they don’t “flop around”.

Joker: Yes! Thanks Liara, I gotta tell Vega I was right.

Liara: Well, at least he’s making friends.

(33 votes) That never gets old, does it?
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Mordin: Certainly possible. Would require strengthening exercises. Get muscles to support weaker bone structure.

Joker: Right. Yeah, I can do that.

Mordin: Alloy of EDI’s body not like organic tissue. Could cause unintentional damage. Recommend pillows, cushions, possibly gel packs.

Joker: Okay, that’s a little weirder, but… yeah alright. Cushions.

Mordin: Positioning critical to success. Could forward EDI charts, videos with relevant data.

Joker: No, no no! Let’s uh… EDI’s pretty busy with, you know, stuff. Let’s… uh send that to me. You’re not gonna tell anyone about this, right? Like Shepard? Shepard doesn’t really need to know.

Mordin: Guarantee Shepard won’t learn about it from me.

Joker: She’s standing right there, isn’t she?

(27 votes) That never gets old, does it?
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Joker: Hey, Jack, now that you’re military, you gonna wear a uniform? Or are you just getting the officer’s bars tattooed on?

Jack: Screw you, f… flight lieutenant.

Joker: Uh… what the hell was that?

Kahlee Sanders: Jack has promised to watch her language in order to maintain the necessary professionalism we need from our teachers.

Joker: What, does she have a swear jar or something? ‘Cause I bet if we emptied that thing, we could afford another cruiser.

Jack: Cover your ears, kids. [pause] Hey, Joker, f—

 

Joker: Okay, let me put it this way: if I knew that EDI was gonna install herself into a sexy robot body, do you honestly think I’d be able to keep quiet about it? Look at that! I would’ve baked a cake!

overheard in during
(23 votes) That never gets old, does it?
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Joke: Well, let me know if you want me to get them on the channel and then hang up on them. You know, for old time’s sake.

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(13 votes) That never gets old, does it?
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Joker: Take pictures!

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(14 votes) That never gets old, does it?
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Joker: Hey, Shepard. Glad that Collector/Reaper crap is over. It is over, right? [pause] It’s never over.

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(10 votes) That never gets old, does it?
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Joker: Ungh… I think I broke a rib. All of them.

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(5 votes) That never gets old, does it?
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Joker: I’m just having a little fun with you, Commander. No need to get all “Unnatural.” on me.

EDI: What Jeff and I are exhibiting is more a platonic symbiosis than hormonally-induced courtship behavior.

Joker: Okay, yeah, that was a little creepy.

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(24 votes) That never gets old, does it?
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Joker: What could I do against Collectors, break my arm at them?

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(19 votes) That never gets old, does it?
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EDI: Are you feeling well, Jeff?

Joker: No. But thanks for asking.

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(8 votes) That never gets old, does it?
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Joker: Argh! You want me to go crawling through the ducts again.

EDI: I enjoy the sight of humans on their knees… [pause] That is a joke.

Joker: Right.

overheard in
(71 votes) That never gets old, does it?
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Joker: “This is all Joker’s fault. What a tool he was. I have to spend all day computing pi because he plugged in the Overlord.”

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(23 votes) That never gets old, does it?
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Joker: Oh, shit.

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(7 votes) That never gets old, does it?
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#98

Joker: I’m glad that mess is over for Tali, Commander. Some of those quarians… I guess living aboard a ship can really mess with your priorities? Not that I would know… ah, I just burned myself. Great.

overheard in during
(21 votes) That never gets old, does it?
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