Garrus: Do you ever miss those talks we had on the elevators?
Garrus: Come on. Remember how we’d always ask you about live on the Flotilla? It was an opportunity to share.
Tali: This conversation is over.
Garrus: Tell me again about your immune system.
Tali: I have a shotgun.
Garrus: Mmm, maybe we’ll talk later…
Illusive Man: Shepard. You’re making a habit of costing me more than time and money.
Shepard: I’m sorry, I’m having trouble hearing you. I’m getting a lot of bullshit on this line.
Legion: You succeeded where others did not. Your code is superior.
Shepard: That doesn’t explain why you used my armor to fix yourself.
Legion: There was a hole.
Gunnery Chief: This, recruits, is a 20-kilo ferrous slug. Feel the weight. Every five seconds, the main gun of an Everest-class dreadnought accelerates one to 1.3 percent of light speed. It impacts with the force of a 38-kiloton bomb. That is three times the yield of the city-buster dropped on Hiroshima back on Earth. That means Sir Issac Newton is the deadliest son-of-a-bitch in space. Now! Serviceman Burnside! What is Newton’s first law?
First Recruit: Sir! An object in motion stays in motion, sir!
Gunnery Chief: No credit for partial answers, maggot!
First Recruit: Sir! Unless acted on by an outside force, sir!
Gunnery Chief: Damn straight! I dare to assume you ignorant jackasses know that space is empty. Once you fire this hunk of metal, it keeps going til it hits something. That can be a ship, or the planet behind that ship. It might go off into deep space and hit somebody else in ten thousand years. If you pull the trigger on this, you are ruining someone’s day, somewhere and sometime. That is why you check your damn targets! That is why you wait for the computer to give you a damn firing solution! That is why, Serviceman Chung, we do not “eyeball it”! This is a weapon of mass destruction. You are not a cowboy shooting from the hip!
Second Recruit: Sir, yes sir!
Joker: Argh! You want me to go crawling through the ducts again.
EDI: I enjoy the sight of humans on their knees… [pause] That is a joke.
Joker: It’ll be better than the old days.
Shepard: I hope so. I died.
Shepard: So when should I book the room?
Garrus: I’d wait, if you’re okay with it. Disrupt the crew as little as possible… and take that last chance to find some calm just before the storm. You know me. I always like to savor the last shot before popping the heat sink. [pause] Wait. That metaphor just went somewhere horrible.
Shepard: Remember the old days when you could just slap omni-gel on everything?
Wrex: Garrus… I have to make friends with the one turian in the galaxy who thinks he’s funny.
Garrus: Imagine how I feel. I’m supposed to hate krogan, but you came along and warmed my heart with your winning personality.
Wrex: I could throw a few salarians off a cliff if it’ll make you feel better.